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Before you start trying to break in, it might be worth trying a jumpstart pack from underneath the car. You'll need to get it on axle stands (don't take your chances with just the jack) remove the engine under-tray (probably) and see if you can get to the starter motor.
If you can, then hook the positive lead from the jumpstart pack to the big meaty wire on the starter motor, then connect negative to bare metal on the vehicle body or engine.
With a bit of luck, that'll give you enough juice to get the remote central locking working.
Currently in Horatio's garage:
2010 Laguna III Initiale.