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post #9 of (permalink) Old 27th January 2006
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Here's one for you then, Nick. I wrote it ages ago , so you'll have to excuse the XR3i reference.

Question 1 You are stuck in a queue at traffic lights. The cause of the hold-up is a little old lady in a Mini Metro who has stalled and can't get her engine restarted. Do you...

* A - Wait patiently until she is able to restart her car.
* B - Honk your horn and / or shout at her.
* C - Set about doing some DIY panelbeating on her bonnet with your baseball bat.

Question 2 You've just pulled out of a junction and misjudged the speed of the traffic that you were merging with. You've forced the car that is now behind you to brake rather sharply and the driver honks his horn. Do you...

* A - Wave to the driver, acknowledging your error.
* B - Flick the V's at him through your rear window.
* C - Make an emergency stop, get out and set about doing some DIY panelbeating on his bonnet with your baseball bat.

Question 3 Someone pulls out of a junction, misjudging your speed and causing you to brake. Do you?

* A - Put it down to experience and maybe curse them under your breath.
* B - Honk your horn and drive 2 inches from their back bumper for the next couple of miles.
* C - Follow them home then burn their house down.

Question 4 You are in a hurry and are stuck behind a learner driver who is rather inconserately sticking to the speed limit. Do you...

* A - Follow the learner patiently, after all, you were a learner once and they are in the right by sticking to the speed limit.
* B - Start to get hot under the collar. Close in on the learner to try and force them to go faster.
* C - Drop down into second and squeal around the learner, narrowly avoiding the double-decker bus coming the other way and cutting in on the learner, forcing them onto the pavement.

Question 5 An old lady is crossing the road in front of you and has not seen you coming. Do you...

* A - Brake sharply to avoid her.
* B - Swerve around her and honk your horn.
* C - Price up a new windscreen and radiator grille.

How did you do? Score 1 point for each A, 2 for each B and 3 for each C

* Score 1-4 - It's maths lessons you need, not driving advice
* Score 5-8 - Sorry, you're too nice a guy. You'll never make a prize a***hole. Why not take up needlecraft instead?
* Score 9-10 - You're prime a***hole material alright. Keep reading and learning and you'll soon be causing mayhem on Britain's roads just like the rest of them.
* Score 11-12 - Think you're pretty good eh? Well with practice you could be the ultimate a***hole. Stick with the course.
* Score 13-14 - What the hell are you reading this for? There's nothing we can teach you. In fact, you could probably teach us a thing or two. Please feel free to come round to our offices (preferably leaving your baseball bat at home) to discuss your career prospects.
* Score 15 - You must be either a psychopath or a minicab driver (or both). A professional a***hole to the core. Congratulations, a perfect score. If you haven't already got one, you should go out and buy an XR3i immediately.
* Score 16 or more - See 'Score 1-4'.
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