Eyes - Renault Forums :: Independent Renault forum

Jokes & funny stuff Add your jokes and funny stories here
*** Warning - you may encounter adult discussions in this forum! ***

 61Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 2 Weeks Ago Thread Starter
Chief Sneaky Eliminator
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 11,744
Nominated 19 Times in 9 Posts
Nominated TOTW/F/M Award(s): 7
Thanks: 776
Thanked 1,424 Times in 1,075 Posts
Garage
Eyes

never knew eggs were good for the eyes, but my cousin claims they gave him eggcelent vision.
ours2012 likes this.

Friends call me Sirrah!! BUT some Friends say get- Stuffed!!
Currently in Scenic 11's garage:
2010 Scenic111 Dynamique Tomtom 1.9dCi
Scenic 11 is offline  
  5 Lastest Threads by Scenic 11
Thread Forum Last Poster Replies Views Last Post
Stuartj General Chat chuffer690 13 148 19th January 2017 10:57 PM
Sata ssd 120Gb Computer Club twodogs 7 123 19th January 2017 10:45 PM
Congrats to dave-mezza2006 General Chat Phil48 12 158 17th January 2017 10:27 PM
Request to Nottnoc General Chat Dancingdad 28 347 17th January 2017 07:36 PM
Quasimodo Part 2!!!! Jokes & funny stuff Jujasi 8 140 9th January 2017 04:48 PM
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 2 Weeks Ago Thread Starter
Chief Sneaky Eliminator
Threadstarter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 11,744
Nominated 19 Times in 9 Posts
Nominated TOTW/F/M Award(s): 7
Thanks: 776
Thanked 1,424 Times in 1,075 Posts
Garage
Re: Eyes

And there's more!!

It has four legs and it can fly, what is it?
-
Two birds.
12. What do you get when you wake up on a workday and realize you ran out of coffee?
A depresso.
What bow is it impossible to tie?

A rainbow.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a woman?

No idea, but the cleaning has become seriously efficient.
How does a monkey ring the doorbell?
-
King Kong! King Kong!
Do you know what were my grandpa’s last words before he kicked the bucket?

How far do you think I can kick this here bucket?

A horse goes in a bar.

"Why such a long face?"
“In our traditional farm hotel, you are woken by the call of the cockerel!”

“Very good, please tell him 9 o’clock.”
Two toothpicks are waiting at the traffic light when a hedgehog comes by. They look at him silently and then one toothpick says to the other, "Huh, so there's even buses..."
A guy calls 911, absolutely frantic. “Send an ambulance, quick, my wife is having a baby!!”

“OK, I understand. Is this her first baby?”

“No you stupid woman!!! This is her husband Bill!!!”
How can you tell you have an elephant in your bedroom?

By the big "E" on his pyjamas.
What is small, grey and triangular?

The shadow of a green triangle!
A detective asks a woman, "So, your husband hanged himself?" Woman replies, "Yes, that is correct." The suspicious detective continues, "But why does he have all those bruises on his head?"
"The old fool used an elastic rope!"
What does a hippie say to a horse?

Hippie ki-yay!
Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?

Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.

Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?

Man: No, I’m a barber.
How to measure a snake?

In inches. Snakes don’t have feet.
Why did the elephant wear green socks?
Because the red ones were wet.
-
Why did the elephant swim on his back?
So his green ones wouldn't get wet too.
What is cold and vital for peeing?
-
The frostate.
At the movies: “Sorry we’re all sold out down to the last place.” “Excellent, I’ll have the last place then.”
What is a cannibal’s natural first choice in a restaurant?

The waiter.

Why is our nose right in the middle of our face?

Well, it is the scenter.

Friends call me Sirrah!! BUT some Friends say get- Stuffed!!
Currently in Scenic 11's garage:
2010 Scenic111 Dynamique Tomtom 1.9dCi
Scenic 11 is offline  
post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 2 Weeks Ago
Veteran Member
Technical Supremo
 
ours2012's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13,715
Nominated 33 Times in 29 Posts
Nominated TOTW/F/M Award(s): 10
Thanks: 1,666
Thanked 1,762 Times in 1,444 Posts
Re: Eyes

Someone show him out,,,,,,

IDKBIAC
Currently in ours2012's garage:
My Baby ( or the shed on wheels )Laguna 2 estate with 12 months MOT..
ours2012 is offline  
post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 2 Weeks Ago
Veteran Member
Technical Supremo
 
Ralph's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 6,268
Nominated 2 Times in 8 Posts
Nominated TOTW/F/M Award(s): 4
Thanks: 123
Thanked 955 Times in 832 Posts
Garage
Re: Eyes

Come back Ours all is forgiven
ours2012 and funkoval like this.

Not sure If I'am for or against apathy.



If you find a fix for your problem please let us know it will help others.
Ralph Nr Fleetwood NW UK.
Currently in Ralph's garage:
Clio 15 DCi 80, Kawasaki W800, Yamaha MT-07,Zodiac 4 man inflatable, Peugeot Criterion cycle, Live steam LMS 5MT 3 1/2 inch Gauge
Ralph is online now  
The Following User Says Thank You to Ralph For This Useful Post:
ours2012 (2 Weeks Ago)
post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 2 Weeks Ago
Veteran Member
Technical Supremo
 
ours2012's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 13,715
Nominated 33 Times in 29 Posts
Nominated TOTW/F/M Award(s): 10
Thanks: 1,666
Thanked 1,762 Times in 1,444 Posts
Re: Eyes

Thanks mate,, mine seem really good now,,,

“Mummy, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, darling. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I’m already fourteen and I think it’s just proper that I should own one.”

“Own ‘one’ what?” the mother asked, suspiciously.

“A push-up bra.”

“No.”

“But my nipples are already prominent and it’s catching attention.”

“Absolutely not.”

“I think it would be just proper at my age...”

“I said: no!”

“But...”

“David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!”
Ralph, Jujasi, Dancingdad and 1 others like this.

IDKBIAC
Currently in ours2012's garage:
My Baby ( or the shed on wheels )Laguna 2 estate with 12 months MOT..
ours2012 is offline  
Reply

Tags
eyes

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Renault Forums :: Independent Renault forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome