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post #1 of (permalink) Old 25th June 2009 Thread Starter
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"Dear Monsieur Renault"

Here's a letter I probably won't send to Renault HQ, written with a sulk on after a failure in the brake system.

Despite the sentiments, I'd hate to get rid of my Scenic.


Dear Monsieur Renault

I am writing to you to point out a glaring design flaw in my Renault Scenic, a failing so grave I was nearly killed entirely TO DEATH yesterday in one of your cars.

To this end, I am prepared to overlook the fact that the rear left brake hose failed, leaving me travelling at 50 mph in a ton of metal and plastic with no actual means of arresting my speed except for the swarm of tramps which slowed my pell-mell descent to certain DOOM, their twisted, alcohol-reddened faces bouncing off my windscreen.

No. It was not this.

It was the fact that when my brakes failed, a big red light came up on my car's dashboard bearing the word "STOP".

Far be it for me to say that my car was thrown together by a bunch of soap-dodging French crapauds, but I have one obvious question with this regard:


Were it not for the valiant sacrifice of some of Basingstoke's finest winos, instead of writing this, I would be upside down in an ornamental fountain outside Festival Place, drowning completely TO DEATH.

So, putting my unexpected survival to good use, I would suggest that instead of this useless "STOP" light, something more suitable for the circumstance should be nailed to the dashboard on future models. How about:

- "MWAAAAARGH! You're going to die!"

- "Your warranty has just expired"


or, a pictogram of some French crapaud shrugging his shoulders and saying "Bouf" at my misfortune.

Sort it out before I do something really stupid. Like buy a Honda.

Your pal

Albert O'Balsam

Full text on my blog: HERE
Currently in duckorange's garage:
2001 Renault Scenic Dynamique 1.6
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