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  1. The offside rule for girls.....

    Jokes & funny stuff
    You are in the queue in Primark. The girl infront of you doesn't have her purse. You realise you don't have yours either. Your friend at the back of the queue offers to throw her purse to you. You can't queue jump until the purse has been thrown to you. Once the purse has been thrown you can...
  2. Human Resources

    Jokes & funny stuff
    e-mail one Attention: Human Resources Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given...
  3. Children

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..." Eleven...
  4. Cup of Tea

    Jokes & funny stuff
    One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2½ years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I...
  5. santa and tampons

    Jokes & funny stuff
    This year Santa is taking the strings off of tampons and replacing it with tinsel . . .this is for the Christmas period only
  6. Jelly babies

    Jokes & funny stuff
    What can Jelly babies do that men can't? . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . Come in five different flavours.
  7. santa letters (better late than never)

    Jokes & funny stuff
    deer santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a fri**ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger...
  8. Newly weds

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband...
  9. Rugby jokes for the Welsh

    Jokes & funny stuff
    What do you call an Englishman holding a glass of champagne after a 6 nations game? A waiter. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Snow White returned to her cottage to find it had burned to the ground. Distraught she...
  10. The Male Point System

    Jokes & funny stuff
    In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here's a guide to the...
  11. Age old riddle

    Jokes & funny stuff
    If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
  12. Men's Logic

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case. The Problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought The child into the world with all the pain and labor. The child Should be in my custody." The judge turned to the...
  13. The marriage

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.' So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice...
  14. His First time

    Jokes & funny stuff
    It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her...
  15. Lipstick

    Jokes & funny stuff
    The difference between teachers and educators. According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls had begun to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on...
  16. Clio fuses blowing affecting lights and dash

    Electronics
    ... and the remote central locking doesn't work properly either ....
  17. Clio fuses blowing affecting lights and dash

    Electronics
    Garage say it may be rear light board ??? And that this is a standard Clio problem. No problem until it went in for a service *rolls eyes* It's the mother-in-law's car so got to keep her sweet... X reg alize, automatic. Have checked the black relays near the glovebox. Have checked the rear...
  18. Breaking news. . .

    Jokes & funny stuff
    Apparently a reporter asked him "How are you going to cope financially?" and he replied "What's financially?" :crazy: :mad::mad:
  19. Kids

    Jokes & funny stuff
    What is butt dust?' Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'...
  20. Contestant funnies

    Jokes & funny stuff
    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2) Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'? Contestant: Homosexuals. Jeremy Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think...
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