1) Did you f*rt?...’cos you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?...‘cos ya sure are special.
3) My love fer you is like diarrhoea…I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?...‘cos I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?...‘cos I can see...
A British satirist has translated 15 of Shakespeare's classic plays into chav speak.