joke

:wink2:

A China man knocks on his neighbours door and says :Your house the same as my house-How many rolls of wall paper to paper your front room? Neighbour says 6 A week later China man seen his neighbour and says I got 2 rolls left-Neighbour says so have I. Mouse..

I was going to be a doctor...........

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? - Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all. EDIT PLEASE don’t put links on from 3rd party sites.

QUESTION: How do you tell the difference between an English police officer, a Canadian police officer, an American police officer and a Scottish police officer? The situation is that an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with the officer, screams obscenities, raises...

A cowboy rides into town and tethers his horse outside the saloon. As he steps up to the bar he asks of the barman "Where is everybody? It's kinda quiet in here." "They're all at the hanging", replies the barman. "Who are they hangin'?" "Brown Paper Pete" "Why d'they call him Brown...

There were two brothers, Hing and Ming, who kept chickens. One day, they had a problem: their chickens were losing their feathers. They argued about what to do about it. Hing wanted to use modern scientific treatments, while Ming wanted to use the traditional remedies of their ancestors. In the...

A wealthy man had a little boy. For some reason, his first words were "ping pong ball". When the boy was old enough to speak, and understand birthdays and gifts and such (about three years old), he asked the boy "So son, what would you like for your birthday this year?" The boy said, "Daddy, I...

A husband and wife were out Christmas shopping just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing, so she called him on his mobile. The wife said “Where are you, you know we have lots to do.” He said “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and...

After we married and moved into out first house the wife said her mother was coming to visit. When she arrived I opened the door wide and said "welcome, my house is your house" She replied "get off my property"

> A guy working in a "hotel" answered the phone ringing in the kitchen, > > so he heard : "tou ti tou roum tou" > > so he replied directly "ta ta ta tou tou tou" and hung down the >phone. > > after a while he was fired by the manager for doing such a thing , >because > > the man who called the...

During a lady's medical examination, the British doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." A bit confused, the lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor: "No! No...

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the...

Just a warning to all forum members out there. On the way home from the pub last night, someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Don't worry though....... .......I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night." She said, "Aye, did...

After a hard day at work a guy comes home to find his wife at her wits end! The kids have been screaming and fighting all day I haven't had a second to myself she asks the husband will you take them out for a pizza? At this the husband gathers the kids and takes them into the garage,a few...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked...

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink." The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."...

A Scotsman was standing in a bar in Glasgow Cross yesterday and this wee Chinese guy comes in, stands next to him and starts drinking a beer. The Scotsman said to him, "Do ye know ony of thae martial arts thingys, like Kung-Fu, Karate or Ju-Jitsu?" The Chinese man says "No, why the...

53,000 Scousers meet in Anfield for a 'Scousers Are Not Stupid' convention. Steven Gerrard addresses the crowd.. 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Scousers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?' Wayne Rooney gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to...