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  1. a vets tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Ma'am, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The...
  2. Sad tale about non working ABS

    Brakes/Hubs
    Lifted this from a technical buletin Electronic Brake Force Distribution Four words that can make a big difference how a car handles in an emergency. This vehicle is not one that was presented to me for repair but a vehicle that was involved in an accident, after the event I was discussing the...
  3. Old Tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A tough old cowboy from texas counselled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103. When she died. She left behind 14 children, 30...
  4. A tale of two Mayors

    Jokes & funny stuff
    Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over...
  5. Tale from down under

    Jokes & funny stuff
    One hot summer day, Boonga came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the pub for a cold one, or three.... Twenty minutes later, a cop entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?" Boonga called out, "It's mine, mate." "Your...
  6. Another 2004 1.9 dci g'scenic high oil consumption tale....

    Engines
    Hello All, After reading numerous posts about high oil consumption i thought i would share what i am currently experiencing with my 2004 1.9dci g'scenic. Quite a bit of history to the car ( i will stick to the engine for now...LOL!) April 2012 it had a new turbo at about 80k, didnt go into...
  7. cautionary tale!

    Engines
    I have a little cautionary tale to tell :d!!. I brought a 02 1.8 scenic a couple of weeks ago knowing it had a oil leak that was dripping onto the exhaust manifold, no problem I thought would be an easy fix. The previous owner had taken it to 2 garages that had told him the leak was from the...
  8. Indicator tell tale on

    Electronics
    Hi guys I have just brought a mkIII espace 2.2 dt and im very pleased with it (certainly better than the galaxy i looked at) any how The dashboard indicator tell tale is stuck on all the time (the indicators function normally however) can anybody tell me what this is please, I am certain it wont...
  9. A dog's tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
  10. The Middle Wife - A Teacher's Tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few...
  11. The World's shortest Fairy Tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    World's Shortest Fairy Tale Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and a brand new...
  12. A Cowboy's tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? ' 'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' 'What that...
  13. CV joint leaking grease, ABS/Serv tell tale light, grinding noise when braking

    Engines
    A couple of weeks ago, during a wheel change I noticed the inside of the wheel was covered in grease from the CV. (front far side). I didnt replenish the grease, and carried on with the wheel change. A few days ago, halfway through a journey, the ABS and Serv lights came on, but the brakes were...
  14. Another Christmassy-type tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. 'Nice bike,' the cop said, 'Did Santa bring it to you?' 'Yep,' the little girl said, 'he sure did' The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a £5 ticket for a safety...
  15. A new ending to an old tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down." The three little piggies said "F... off or We'll sneeze on you..."
  16. Clio 182 - Catalytic Converter: Cautionary Tale

    Exhausts
    My 2005 Clio 182 is being put up for sale. So I decided to take the vehicle to my local Renault dealership in Harlow to have a 48k mile service and new MOT in preparation for the sale. The car 'failed' its MOT due to the emissions test. The dealership called me and told me that it had failed...
  17. tell tale light 2 on, 1998 scenic

    Electronics
    Hi all, getting a bit wound up with this car now, its developed a constant issue where it idles at 1500-2000rpm and the "tell tale light 2" is on the dash (box with up down lines, like an oscilloscope) What could this be? and is it going to be an expensive to fix issue?
  18. Scenic 1999 1.6 auto - tail tale light is on and car is lethargic.

    Engines
    HI I wonder if anyone could help. Scenic 1999 Automatic 1.6 recently developed a fault - when start the tail tale light is on and car is lethargic - almost no acceleration. After 2 mile warm up - stop , start the car - light goes off and car drives just fine. Any ideas what that can be...
  19. retired tale

    Jokes & funny stuff
    Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up...
  20. Tale of the Irish sausage

    Jokes & funny stuff
    Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we...
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