Independent Renault Forums banner

1 - 20 of 47 Posts

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
"I'm going to Thailand in the summer."
"To Bangkok?"
"Well, it'd have to be a good-looking ladyboy, :wink2:but maybe."
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Never saw one GROAN on Phils joke collection, are you trying to imply my jokes are no good,,,,.......

I have just put a bet on Jeremy Corbyn to be next Prime Minister at odds of 6-1.

I stand to win sixpence.
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I rung up work this morning..

"My wife died last night." I explained. "I'm going to need some time off."

"Oh my goodness, that's awful." Replied the secretary. "We understand though, take as much time off as you need."

"Thank you." I said. "It'll be about eighteen years, if I behave myself.
 

·
Super Moderator Technical Supremo Platinum Member
Joined
·
22,619 Posts
I went to Thailand on business once.
Went down with some weird tropical disease.
Very pretty little nurse is doing an initial examination and asks me to drop my pants and cough.
While she is cradling the family jewels in her hand she says not to worry, it's normal to get an erection.
"I haven't got one" I says.
"I have" says she.
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Thirty years ago I murdered both of my parents in a fit of rage. I then slaughtered both of my sisters and my brother. Before I calmed down, I visited all my friends and killed each and every one of them.
It was a terrible episode in my life and I regret it now more than ever.

I get released tomorrow and there's no one to pick me up.
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
There's some thieving *******s where I live.

Last night someone stole my TV, Xbox, all my porn, a big bag of weed and two bottles of vodka.

I wouldn't mind, but I only left my cell for five minutes.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,593 Posts
Lady crosses fortune teller's palm with silver and sees her face fill with horror as she gazes into the ball.
What is it?
I cannot say it is too awful.
Please tell me.
You husband is going to meet a violent painful death.
Will I be found out?
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I took the dog to the vet. "Doctor," I said sadly, "I"m afraid I"m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog"s tail." The vet stepped back, " why should I do such a terrible thing?" I replied, "Because my mother-in-law"s arriving tomorrow, and I don"t want anything to make her think she is welcome."
 

·
Super Moderator Technical Supremo Platinum Member
Joined
·
22,619 Posts
I was on this business trip to Thailand and came so close to having sex with a ladyboy!!
Looked like a lady, walked like a lady,talked like a lady, kissed like a lady.
It was only when she drove me to her house and reversed the car into the garage first time........I thought to myself "hang on a fecking minute...
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Ladyboys just aren't what they used to be.
 

·
Super Moderator Technical Supremo Platinum Member
Joined
·
22,619 Posts
When I was just a little girl,
I put on a flower dress and went to my mum
I asked my mother: "What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me:
"You're a boy, you daft s0d.
Now get out of your sister's clothes and go to effing school!"
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
While enjoying a drink with his mate one night,ryan decides to try his luck with an attractive lady sitting by the bar.She lets him join her for a drink and to his surprise asks him to accompany him home.They spend the night hard at it.Finally they finish;Ryan rolls off,pulls out a cigarette and looks for his lighter. He asks his new love if she has a light. "There might be some matches in the top drawer",she replies. Opening the drawer he finds some matches on top of a framed photo of another man.Naturally he begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he enquires nervously. "No,silly" she replies. "Your boyfriend then?" "No",she replirs,snuggling up to him. "Who is he then?" "Thats me,before the operation!"
 

·
Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
·
38,209 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
Chinese turn then,,,


A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I"m lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?""Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.""Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn"t keep her eyes off him during the meal.Remembering the old man"s warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn"t hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that"s pretty crappy," he thought. "If that"s the best the old man can do then I don"t have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
 

·
Super Moderator Technical Supremo Platinum Member
Joined
·
22,619 Posts
This guy had a rather small p3nis.
Tries all sorts of enlargement methods.
Found a traditional Chinese cure worked best.

Her name was Soo Lin, 18 with huge t*ts
 
1 - 20 of 47 Posts
Top