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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Few Little groaners before I go the pub :grin2:

My mate said he didn't understand what cloning was. I said that makes two of us. >:)


Claude Monet's 1890 painting of 'haystacks under a setting sun' has sold for $110.7million.

That's a hell of a lot of Monet. :wink2:
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
It's a little known fact that during the second world war as the German Enigma machine was being cracked, Alan Turings sister Kay provided the sandwiches, cocktail sausages, drinks and cakes.
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
My daughter met a Swedish boy who's dad owns a hi-fi shop. Now she's banging Olaf's son.

Do your worst everyone........
 
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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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Discussion Starter #10
Sting has been caught with a busty young masseur in a house of ill repute.


Obviously just a massage in a brothel.
 

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Sexy at 71 super mod..
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25,360 Posts
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."
OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having
sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence
 

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Sexy at 71 super mod..
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25,360 Posts
Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Using old jokes, does that count as a Groaner..

Experts say that a dog is a man's best friend. But mine has just watched my bacon burn under the grill and he did uck all
 

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Premium Member
Grand Scenic 1.6 2007
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4,512 Posts
Using old jokes, does that count as a Groaner..

Experts say that a dog is a man's best friend. But mine has just watched my bacon burn under the grill and he did uck all
You got one of them what's trained to help us eat healthier.
Bet he never nicks the lettuce............
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg
 

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Artful Bodger..chief sneaky eliminator
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22,866 Posts
A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg
And your own words were =
ours2012 said:
Using old jokes, does that count as a Groaner
183587
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
A clergyman has become the first person in America to die following on from Trump's advice last night. His wife injected Domestos into his veins. She is now being charged with a Bleach of the Priest.
 
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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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41,025 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
“Rumours about Kim Jong-Un’s demise are grossly exaggerated“ .... South Korean news report.


The news presenter, looking very nice in her smart dressing gown, went on to add “Kim had heart surgery, it was successful, but although he now has a new heart he still doesn’t have a Seoul”
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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Discussion Starter #20
183672
 
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