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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Dr Watson broke into compare the market and murdered Aleksandr oleg and sergei .
He put their bodies in jelly topped it with custard, cream and chocolate sprinkles and served it to Holmes.

Whats this "my dear watson?" said holmes .
Watson replied " A meer trifle my good man a meer trifle".
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Went to what I thought was a christening but halfway through the vicar tipped a load of **** tasting lager over the poor baby. Turns out he was being fostered.
 

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Artful Bodger..chief sneaky eliminator
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22,418 Posts
went to what i thought was a christening but halfway through the vicar tipped a load of **** tasting lager over the poor baby. Turns out he was being fostered.
Aaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
Joined
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
I recently did some stand-up comedy in a pub,
My mate asked me how it went.
"*ucking brilliant," I replied, "It was better than sex."
He laughed and said, "Is it because you actually heard a few groans?"
"No," I replied with a smile, "I lasted two minutes"
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
A man goes to the Optician complaining of blurred vision. Looking into his eyes with a scope, the optician began to tut-tut and groan. "What is it asked the patient? "
"Oh, the worst case I have ever seen." "But what's wrong with my eyes doctor? " "Well if you must know, you have Christian Brothers Syndrome." "Christian Brothers Syndrome," asked the patient..."What's that?"
Well, said the Optician, "Your Pupils are *ucked!"
 

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Premium Member
Grand Scenic 1.6 2007
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4,024 Posts
Man goes to Doctor with wind trouble.
Doc every time I fart it makes a sound like Honda.
Let's take a look, Ah yes it's an abscess, the usual.
How so Doc?
Old proverb. Abscess make the fart go Honda..............


I'm even groaning myself................. Titus


There's and idea........
Did you hear about the guy with bad jokes and ringing in his ear................ Tinnitus Groan.
 

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Premium Member
Grand Scenic 1.6 2007
Joined
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4,024 Posts
Homeless man goes in the back door of the Monastery for a feed.
Later in the kitchen he ventures on a joke.
I suppose you're the chipmonk?
I'm the Frier.




Them CBS types were tricky. Everybody kept short back and sides so they would have less to lift you with.
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
The only songs you're allowed to sing at my local church are 'Anyone Who Had a Heart' and 'Big Spender'. I think the priest accidentally took a vow of Cilla Bassey.
 

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Premium Member
Captur 2017 1.5DCi EDC
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3,763 Posts
Guy goes to the doctor says he thinks he is short sighted and needs an eye test. Doc takes him outside and points up to the sky. What's that, he says. "It's the sun" says the guy. "So how far do you bloody want to see?" says the doc.
 

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Premium Member
Grand Scenic 1.6 2007
Joined
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4,024 Posts
The only songs you're allowed to sing at my local church are 'Anyone Who Had a Heart' and 'Big Spender'. I think the priest accidentally took a vow of Cilla Bassey.

And the one taking the altar boys down the shed took a vow of Preverty
 

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Premium Member
Grand Scenic 1.6 2007
Joined
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4,024 Posts
Guy goes to the doctor says he thinks he is short sighted and needs an eye test. Doc takes him outside and points up to the sky. What's that, he says. "It's the sun" says the guy. "So how far do you bloody want to see?" says the doc.

We had a team on the ropes at the end of a long day with a few overs left. The batsmen started making shapes at the umpires about light. The bowler came in and said, pointing to the sky, what's that?
The Moon.
Right, you can see that far you can see ball, play on!
 

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40 Posts
What d'you call a bloke with a load of rabbits up his jaxy?
Warren.

One from the archives:-

What does Norman Scott have for breakfast?
A Pale Thorpe sausage!

A lunatic escapes from the asylum, hides in the local laundry. While there, he has sex with the washer-women, before being chased on by the police. Next day, local rag carries headline
" Nut screws washers and bolts".

Off for my mediacation now.....
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #18
I've noticed that truly sick jokes don't do very well on here and that the preference is for shoehorned puns concerning stupid things like amusing parrots by betting on poker with a washed-up lake monster.

It's Polly tickle call wrecked Ness gone mad.


Who's the Master
 

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Artful Bodger..chief sneaky eliminator
Joined
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22,418 Posts
I've noticed that truly sick jokes don't do very well on here and that the preference is for shoehorned puns concerning stupid things like amusing parrots by betting on poker with a washed-up lake monster.

It's Polly tickle call wrecked Ness gone mad.


Who's the Master
Well [I]who[/I] is the Master then!:idunno::idunno::wink2:
 
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