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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #23
too late now, hurt, groan away


Bloke knocked on my door wanting to tell me the great news about our Lord. I said "*uck off mate I'm watching the footy". As I tried to close the door in his face, he grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back slamming my face into the wall, then with a single rabbit punch broke 3 of my ribs, he then kung fu kicked my leg shattering the bone in three places. As I fell to the floor he karate chopped my windpipe and left me choking in agony on my own doorstep. *ucking Jason Bourne again Christian.
 

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Artful Bodger..chief sneaky eliminator
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22,418 Posts
too late now, hurt, groan away


Bloke knocked on my door wanting to tell me the great news about our Lord. I said "*uck off mate I'm watching the footy". As I tried to close the door in his face, he grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back slamming my face into the wall, then with a single rabbit punch broke 3 of my ribs, he then kung fu kicked my leg shattering the bone in three places. As I fell to the floor he karate chopped my windpipe and left me choking in agony on my own doorstep. *ucking Jason Bourne again Christian.
Oh, Right!:smile2:
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #27
I went to a sex shop and bought a sex doll. The salesman said it was a best seller and would leave me hot sweaty and breathless. He wasn't wrong, half an hour I was pumping that ****** up, before I realized it had a puncture.
 

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Artful Bodger..chief sneaky eliminator
Joined
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22,418 Posts
I went to a sex shop and bought a sex doll. The salesman said it was a best seller and would leave me hot sweaty and breathless. He wasn't wrong, half an hour I was pumping that ****** up, before I realized it had a puncture.
Are you sure your a mechanic?:nerd:
 

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Super Moderator
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13,632 Posts
I went to a sex shop and bought a sex doll. The salesman said it was a best seller and would leave me hot sweaty and breathless. He wasn't wrong, half an hour I was pumping that ****** up, before I realized it had a puncture.
Should have charged you more...........................
As it went down on you >:) :laugh::laugh:

Was that quicker?
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #31
I posted on Mumsnet: "I just caught my 2-year-old climbing into the fridge. What should I do?" I got the answer: "Put a lock on the door." "OK", I replied,"but she's going to get pretty *ucking cold in there."
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #33
I was so happy and content as I watched the wife drift off last night.
Her dinghy's got a puncture and she's a poor swimmer.
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #35
My mate said, "I like your sports car."
I said, "It's not very practical now we've got a baby."
He said, "How about I buy it off you."
I said, "Yeah go on then. Four grand?"
He said, "You've got yourself a deal."
I said, "Nice one... you're going to make a *ucking brilliant dad."
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #36
The head gardener from my local recreation ground has been sacked.
He was stealing funds to pay for prostitutes to walk up and down on him in high heels.

Which is wrong on another level as you really should'nt walk on a parky flooring in stilettos.
 

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Super Moderator
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13,632 Posts
China has just released the name of the first man with corona virus.
Ah Chu
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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39,780 Posts
Discussion Starter #38
China have got what they have always wanted.

To CORONISE the world!!!
 
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