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Discussion Starter #1
Hi there, I've been noticing some people having spats on the forum (and leaving), and I remember the resistance to the thread for clearing matters off the chest.

What I was wondering, since most of these falling-outs seem to be due to misinterpretation/misunderstanding of remarks, perhaps both parties could discuss their perspectives (privately) on a chatroom basis (with/without a moderator), this would at least allow a bit of private arbitration to take place, whereby both members save face, and the forum saves at least one member from leaving.

Its just a thought which occured to me, and although it may need a bit of tweaking, wondered what your comments would be.

Naturally, blatant insults and comments which are against forum rules would not be applicable for the chatroom.

Paul:)
 
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Sounds like a good idea. You can make a private room on there. I'm also looking at joinable groups where we can allow people to have a private "discussion"
 

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Good idea Paul:d :d when i was serving in the forces we would be given boxing gloves and put in the ring sometimes without gloves and told to sort it out once and for all:d ;)
 
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Sounds like a good idea. You can make a private room on there. I'm also looking at joinable groups where we can allow people to have a private "discussion"
Didn't people have that when they had pm's though?

There's only really been one big fall out and I think that was caused by one member thinking another could take a jokey comment but they couldn't.

It's not a bad idea though.
 

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Not a bad idea, but I don't think it will help.

Just as with a joke post or message, you can't set a tone of voice in a chat room, and it will just turn into a slagging match as people won't have the time to sit and think about what they are typing in a chat room scenario and will just quickly reply with off the cuff remarks.

Just my opinion...
 

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Not a bad idea, but I don't think it will help.

Just as with a joke post or message, you can't set a tone of voice in a chat room, and it will just turn into a slagging match as people won't have the time to sit and think about what they are typing in a chat room scenario and will just quickly reply with off the cuff remarks.

Just my opinion...
I agree, i think you're spot on there scen1c.

Quick thoughtless responses lead to arguments, believe me i know as i suffer with foot in mouth on a daily basis :crazy:
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Thanks for all your replies, I wouldn't believe it to be a panacea for all ills, but it at least would give a last ditch opportunity for growing up and bridges to be built, before someone heads off into the sunset, only for us to 'lose out' on their input.

Thankfully these disputes don't seem (unless I'm always looking in the wrong places) to occur with major regularity, but there's occassionally a 'big name' who drops off the radar (which are the ones I notice)- I wonder how many of the 'smaller fish' have had reason to never return?

P.S. I'm not using these terms in a derogatory sense, hopefully you'll appreciate the point I'm trying to put across.

Thanks,

Paul:)
 

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Good Morning All,

I was not going to respond to this thread as I felt this matter was done and dusted, but it seems people keep bringing it up.

I cannot respond to other 'disputes' that have occured on here as they have not involved me, so therefore I have no right to comment, however I can respond to the one that affected me, At that time in my llife , yes I took offence to what was posted, many of you did not read the post yet have an opinion on it, fair enough, however , being female and reading what was writtian was I admit scary, maybe some like the fact that thier every move was being watched , but I do not, it was creepy, I did what I considered to be the best course of action at the time and asked for the post to be removed which it was, but only after a few others had jumped on the band wagon and joined in,the comments made in the original post were aimed at me directly, by name,. no one else, yet everyone seems to have their opinions on it, I did not ask for anyone to leave or be removed just the offending post, this was a while ago now , yet still it gets dragged up, Now I have moved on and put it behind me and maybe in hindsight I should have just laughed it off, but as I said at that time in my life I could not (personal reasons) I recieved no apologies, and out of 18000 members just 2 gave me any form of support, in private.
It does concern me that a good forum like this , with so many good and helpful, freindly members should bother itslef by getting involved in things like this, there is after all 2 sides to any dispuite, and opinions should not be based on hearsay.
I have no wish to cause any upset or offence to anyone over this , just felt I should put my side of things.

Moi
 

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Good Morning All,

I was not going to respond to this thread as I felt this matter was done and dusted, but it seems people keep bringing it up.

I cannot respond to other 'disputes' that have occured on here as they have not involved me, so therefore I have no right to comment, however I can respond to the one that affected me, At that time in my llife , yes I took offence to what was posted, many of you did not read the post yet have an opinion on it, fair enough, however , being female and reading what was writtian was I admit scary, maybe some like the fact that thier every move was being watched , but I do not, it was creepy, I did what I considered to be the best course of action at the time and asked for the post to be removed which it was, but only after a few others had jumped on the band wagon and joined in,the comments made in the original post were aimed at me directly, by name,. no one else, yet everyone seems to have their opinions on it, I did not ask for anyone to leave or be removed just the offending post, this was a while ago now , yet still it gets dragged up, Now I have moved on and put it behind me and maybe in hindsight I should have just laughed it off, but as I said at that time in my life I could not (personal reasons) I recieved no apologies, and out of 18000 members just 2 gave me any form of support, in private.
It does concern me that a good forum like this , with so many good and helpful, freindly members should bother itslef by getting involved in things like this, there is after all 2 sides to any dispuite, and opinions should not be based on hearsay.
I have no wish to cause any upset or offence to anyone over this , just felt I should put my side of things.

Moi
Hi moi iam sorry that this has came to this i feel that it has been me to drag all this up by asking where the member was i had no idea anything had happened, all i can say is iam sorry this has happened and that i have brought this all to the front of your your mind again but this was not my intention all the best forever your forum friend Donald.
 

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Is not a problem Donald, has been dragged up a few times now so please do not blame yourself, I needed to put this to rest by saying my side which I have done now and hopefully thats it done and dusted, so please do not blame yourself ,I dont :)

Best wishes Moi
 

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Is not a problem Donald, has been dragged up a few times now so please do not blame yourself, I needed to put this to rest by saying my side which I have done now and hopefully thats it done and dusted, so please do not blame yourself ,I dont :)

Best wishes Moi
:) Happy Days:) are here again:)
 
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How the bl00dy hell have we got back on to this one again? :steam:

1. Mag1 made a miguided jokey comment
2. He apologised
3. Moi asked us to remove the thread
4. We removed the thread
5. He left the forum
6. End of...

Paul's post is general. It is not aimed at anyone in particular. It does not make specific reference to the original problem. Please don't use it as an opportunity to rake over old coals AGAIN

OG's post describes the original problem. It does not give details. It is not aimed at winding people up. Don't take it as a pointed remark

I've had it in the neck from Mag1 by email this week because he now thinks that me and OG have taken sides. I'm frankly pi$$ed off with it now. I gave both parties the opportunity to clear the air. Neither party could be ar$ed. If you couldn't be ar$ed to do it then, I don't expect to see the issue raised again

It's perfectly natural for people to wonder where Mag1 is Donald, which is why I tried to put you in the picture

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Nothing to see here. Move along...
 

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Paul's post is general. It is not aimed at anyone in particular. It does not make specific reference to the original problem. Please don't use it as an opportunity to rake over old coals AGAIN

OG's post describes the original problem. It does not give details. It is not aimed at winding people up. Don't take it as a pointed remark

I've had it in the neck from Mag1 by email this week because he now thinks that me and OG have taken sides. I'm frankly pi$$ed off with it now. I gave both parties the opportunity to clear the air. Neither party could be ar$ed. If you couldn't be ar$ed to do it then, I don't expect to see the issue raised again
That's why you guys have my respect for being prepared to take this thing on. In my days of running mailing lists and MSN groups, I've occasionally seen things turn nasty between the regulars, and invariably both parties expect the admins to take their side. If you manage to get though it without upsetting *both* sides, then you're actually doing pretty well.

Yes, this incident was different to our previous ones, as we've lost a valued member of the group rather than someone who was just setting out to cause trouble.
But dredging up the whys and wherefores of what happened doesn't achieve anything. Let's just stick to the necessary facts, and Selwonk's 6 point summary above does all that's needed.
 

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So now i think its time to agree to bury this one for good - how about a 1 day ban if it ever gets brought up again?

Quite frankly i'm sick to the back teeth of it also, it being the reason i haven't spent much time on the forum in a little while.

How about it guys??

Selly - you deserve a halo chuck :)
 
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