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Tartan terrorist in a dress..
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District Attorney: Would you please state your age to the court for the record?

Little Old Lady: I am 86-years-old.

DA: Will you tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question?

LOL: I was sitting on my porch swing on a warm spring evening, when a young man sits down beside me.
DA: Did you know him?

LOL: No, but he sure was friendly.

DA: What happened after he sat down beside you?
LOL: Well, he started to rub my thighs.

DA: Did you stop him?
LOL: No, I didn’t.

DA: Why not?
LOL: It felt good. Nobody has done that since my husband passed away 30 years ago.

DA: Then what happened?

LOL: He started to rub my breasts.

DA: Did you stop him then?

LOL: NO!

DA: Why not?

LOL: Well, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I hadn’t felt that good in years.

DA: What happened next?
LOL: Well, I started to feel spicy that I said to him, “You hot thing, please take me and enter me.”

DA: And did he take you?
LOL: No. That’s when he yelled “April Fools!”…And that’s when I shot him.
 

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Super fantastic Mod Technical Supremo Nice Guy
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37,703 Posts
One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
 

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Super Moderator Technical Supremo Platinum Member
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21,961 Posts
Two little old ladies standing outside their nursing home having a quiet smoke when it starts to rain.
Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy....
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age),
but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.
'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
 
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