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A Ballymurphy man walked into the Falls Road dole office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hey. You know, I just HATE being on the bru and sponging off the state. I'd really rather have a job and get a wage for a days work."

The worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter you'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided with a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is £200,000 a year."

The fella, wide-eyed, said, "You're bull¤¤¤¤tin' me!"

The Dole worker said, Yeah, well . . . you started it."
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